Friday, November 09, 2007

Highs and Lows of the Listening Day

I've heard wicked rumours that the crystal set is capable of receiving transmissions other than BBC Radio 4 (we fear change!), but it's been a long time since I've experimented with adjusting the tuning knob. In fact last year I went off on a monologue in the pub whilst feeling refreshed and inspired, and ranted on about how all other broadcasters are heathens, only to discover that my reluctant victim was a local radio DJ. Ahem.

However, the routine of Radio 4 is wonderfully comforting, and was a lifeline when I lived in Hong Kong. OK, so the signal was barely audible over the Internet back then, but occasional riffs from the Archers theme were better than Marmite and cricket at the same time. So, here are my favourite moments of the day:
- 0545 The Radio 4 Theme, RIP: Totally pointless and wonderfully eccentric. Why, oh why, did they have to abandon it?
- 0600 Today: The best news coverage there is, and host of two specific highlights:
- 0745: Thought for the Day: Only occasionally is this anything but patronising and pointless. However, it serves a purpose - as Will Self said, if he's still abed at that time, he has to get up to throw something at the radio. Certainly works for me every time.
- 0810: The Shouty Interview! Possibly the best bit of the day! Time for a senior government minister to provide the leading interview of the programme. If you've timed it right, this comes on when you're in the car, and all the frustrations and stresses of the coming day can be released in a glorious primal scream of anger at whatever half-witted mendacious pillock is peddling his/her self-interested disingenuous agenda to the listening public. With a stroke of luck Messrs Humpreys or Naughtie deliver a fatal blow before the interview is through, but even if they don't it's a great way to clear the lungs. Remember: you won't hear a bigger berk anywhere all day, so it's nice to know you've got it over with.
- 1830: With a stroke of luck it's Monday, which means Just a Minute or I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. The audio equivalent of tea and cucumber sandwiches on a Union Flag tablecloth. Delightful.
-1900: The Archers. The original, best, and only soap opera worth following anywhere in the world. All human life is here, plus some very informative tips about dealing with mildew on late wheat harvests. This is what podcasts were made for.

I would write more, but it's 0745 and I need to go and find something suitable to throw at the radio. Happy listening!

Technorati Tags: ,

Friday, September 07, 2007

I'm a fake celebrity - get me in here!

Looks like Osama's been gatecrashing parties again - this time the APEC conference in Sydney, which has been the focus of the toughest security measures ever seen in Australia. It would appear that a convoy of limos travelling under a Canadian flag was waved through the barricades all the way to President Bush's hotel, at which point the crew, including one dressed as Osama, were arrested.

Why Canada? Possibly because everyone recognises the national flag, and nobody's too p*ssed off with their eminently sensible foreign policies? Surely not.

Technorati Tags:

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Community Policing - Medieval Style

Now, I'm not one to advocate vigilantism or the creation of any citizen retribution against criminals - I'd even go so far as to defend the right of sex offenders to retain their privacy so long as they have served their sentence and are not judged to be a threat (after all, how else are they meant to rehabilitate?)

But when Anti-Social Behaviour Orders are clearly failing to deal with community problems, and under-resourced police forces cannot bring criminals to justice, I can sympathise with this return to old-fashioned methods to deal with criminals in the community. Assuming that he is in fact a drugs dealer (and that's a big if), then I'll bet this deals with the problem far more effectively than any ASBO ever could.

 44082201 Tarfeather1

Technorati Tags:

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Perceived Risk

Thanks to Matt for the chance to Go Ape yesterday. This aerial assault course involves swinging around between the tops of the fir trees, and provided a much-needed adrenalin hit.

Of course, the actual danger level here is zero. The safety training lasted nearly an hour, and courses got progressively harder over the 2 hours in the trees. You know it can't be dangerous because there's no need to wear a helmet or hi-viz vest (either that or H&S haven't been to visit yet). At any one time you have at least one, and normally two, connections to the safety lines. But that doesn't stop the experience of standing on a small platform 60ft above the ground from inducing a very healthy amount of fear, and the risk certainly feels very real at that moment.

The last time I did anything like that was in 1991, at the French Infantry School in Berlin. Of course, on that course there were no safety lines, no sand traps, it was dark, and we were in full kit - ah, the good old days of no Health & Safety and a conscript army. Which will explain why my knees don't work properly any more and the British army was spared my presence in later years :)

Technorati Tags:

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Health and Safety - Rock n Roll style

I was lucky enough to hear the Rolling Stones play at the O2 last night (KEEF! KEEF!) and had a few inspirational Health and Safety moments:
- watching the lighting monkeys climb 100ft+ rope ladders into the gantry about the audience with no visible safety ropes in case they fell from the ladders;
- then being informed that I couldn't take the lid of a 500ml plastic water bottle from the bar "for Health and Safety reasons". Inevitably the bottle got spilled (I will add that this was for the wife, I was on something a little stronger). Will someone kindly explain the danger of a bottle top? Choking hazard? Trip hazard?;
- and KEEF and Ronnie lit up on stage, which was clearly an outrageous flouting of the anti-smoking laws, and obviously endangered the 23,000 present with their wicked second-hand smoke. The O2 has quite rightly been fined for this, and I trust that Messrs Richards and Woods have learned their lesson and will be better behaved in future, or I'm sure they will soon find themselves very skint indeed. Hem-hem nuff said.

KEEF's rendition of Satisfaction will live with me for ever...

Technorati Tags:

Sunday, August 12, 2007

We're all doomed

John Redwood MP has raised a conservative proposal to cut 'red tape', including the Data Protection Act. Since when, exactly, was civil liberties legislation considered to be 'red tape'? The Tories seem to be hell bent on some particularly daft policies at the moment: steadfast opposition to the principle of Identity Cards - rather than to the existing Identity Cards Act - demonstrates a dramatic failure to understand societal requirements for identity assurance. And some recent questions about computer forensics and investigations - which I'm not at liberty to discuss here - included some of the daftest technology questions I've ever heard, and were evidence of an astounding failure to grasp the issues involved.

Can we please have an Opposition that knows what it's talking about? Let's get some speeches from the same folks that wrote George Osbourne's excellent piece on Open Source. And if John Redwood stops trying to invent policy on Data Protection, I'll promise to avoid inventing economic policies.

Technorati Tags: , ,

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Fun in the sun

How could you want to drive anything other than a 1954 Series One Land Rover in weather like this?

Friday, August 10, 2007

Sorting out urban 4x4s

What with all this cycling I've been doing recently, I've been thinking more about my loathing of urban 4x4s - if there's one group of drivers (after horse-boxes, white vans and caravans, obviously) most likely to swipe you off your bike, it's around-town 4x4s.

Of course, knocking 4x4 drivers is like shooting fish in a barrel, 99% of them have no justification for an off-road vehicle. I have to declare an interest here - I own a 1954 Land Rover and a Subaru Forester (which is a 4x4 but is the same size and height as a compact estate) - but I agree that it's time to deal with the menace of oversized, overpowered, wasteful vehicles driven by individuals who are not competent to safely control them.

Let's start by cutting through the cr@p - the anti-SUV lobby correctly argue that SUVs are too big, inefficient and unsafe. But transit vans are too big for domestic use, and plenty get used for that at weekends; and big executive saloons swan around drinking copious amounts of fuel, so once again this is not a problem that is unique to 4x4s. The real issue here is large vehicles with 'pedestrian-unfriendly' bonnets and bumpers (when was the last time you saw bull bars anywhere? They've already disappeared from our roads) being driven too fast in urban areas. Frankly the issue of them colliding at speed on the open road is irrelevant, a head-on at 70mph is going to be bad news regardless of what type of vehicle is involved. Likewise, if a driver rolls their 4x4 by cornering too fast, well they should know better than that. No, the fact is that the place we want to see these things gone from is the middle of our towns and cities, outside of our schools and playing fields, and hogging parking space by the side of the road.

And the problem drivers? No, it's not the farmers, rural inhabitants, 4x4 enthusiasts or tradesmen in their Land Rovers, Toyotas and Nissans. It's the mums taking kids to school in Guildford in Range Rovers; sales reps cruising around in Landcruisers; families going shopping in Warriors. They could just as easily go in fuel-guzzling Jaguars, big BMWs or high-visibility Galaxys, but none of these are guaranteed to kill a child in a pedestrian impact, and all of them will stop when you press the brake pedal.

The problem with these owners is that they will never go off-road (sorry, the edge of the school playing field doesn't count). Yet they have a powerful SUV, and no training in how to use it either on- or off-road. This makes them a liability - many don't understand (or care about) the issues arising from a vehicle that is heavy, has a high centre of gravity, and a completely different transmission from anything they've driven before. I recently attended a shoot in which a lady Land Rover Discovery owner managed to get the vehicle stuck in an inch of mud, and then popped her head out of the window and asked of the assembled crowd 'does this have 4 wheel drive?'

Banning the vehicles, or radically increasing their road tax, is simply not fair on the many 4x4 drivers who need them, or at least can justify owning a 4x4 without being a menace. And there is a way to get these vehicles off the roads without unfairly punishing legitimate owners. Can you drive a lorry without a proper license? No. Can you drive a motorbike without a proper license? Certainly not. So why should 4x4's be allowed on the roads in the hands of people who have not been trained to use them?

Here's my reasonable, equitable, and sure-to-succeed plan:

1. Introduce a new driving license classification for '4x4 Utility' vehicles, that covers all large 4x4s. Anyone who wishes to drive a 4x4 without this classification should have 'L' plates on the vehicle and a competent passenger.

2. To qualify for this new classification, the driver must first pass a theory examination in which they demonstrate familiarity with the workings of a 4x4 transmission, the safety issues associated with the weight and centre of gravity of the vehicle, how to drive off road, how to recover a stuck vehicle, how to tow another vehicle etc. - all the things you need a 4x4 for.

3. The driver must then attend a one-day off-road driving course, in which they put all of the above into practice in an environment that is wet, muddy and generally suited to off-roaders. Most importantly, they must complete the course *IN THEIR OWN VEHICLE*. Not a school vehicle, or an instructor's vehicle. This is essential: it will weed out all of the unnecessary 4x4's that are geared for the road, and all of the unnecessary drivers who would hate to scuff their Guccis or break a nail.

4. Anyone who can demonstrate a legitimate commercial or domestic need for a 4x4 should be able to take the test for free. The cost to everyone else should not be subsidised by the taxpayer. The requirement for the new classification could be phased in over a three-year period.

This should very quickly deal with the problem of urban 4x4's without financial prejudice against those who genuinely need the vehicles. Then I can carry on cycling without getting side-swiped by the wing mirror of some maniac in a Land Cruiser with half a dozen screaming kids in the back and a mobile phone clamped to their ear.

Technorati Tags: ,

London to Paris Publicity

The team is on the front of the local paper!


Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Star Inn Route Stats

These are taken from the GPS and apply to the touring section of the team rather than the racing snakes...

Maximum Speed: 41.5mph
Moving Time: 24’ 39”
Moving Average: 13.3mph
Total Distance Covered: 328.41m

Monday, July 30, 2007

GPS route logs now available

I’ve uploaded the GPS logs of Route 2, feel free to download them here:

http://idisk.mac.com/toby.stevens-Public

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Random photos

The team is on the train home discovering the joys of a day without cycling Over the coming days I'll tidy up the blog and post up more pictures. Please send me links to any pictures you may have.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Rear of the tour

Congratulations to the Star Inn Team's nominated rear of the tour - you know who you are, and it's been a pleasure to cycle behind you

Adieu from Paris

The corks have popped, the party's starting, and we're off for a few quiet drinks. Many thanks to everyone who's sponsored and supported us, and to the AMR team for organising the event.

Gary's just proposed to Liz

Aaah...! Congratulations both of you from all the team

Hooray!

Well that didn't take long then :)

TEAM STAR INN DOES PARIS!

We're here! Just regrouping before the victory lap, then it's time for champagne!

Last lunch

We're approaching Versailles - well over 300 miles on the clock and we'll soon be at the Trocadero for the final run to the finish

BREAKING NEWS

Simon Gregory has been disqualified from Team Star Inn after failing a drugs test. Officials claim that he tested negative for alcohol after going to bed early with a rusk and a cup of warm milk. "I think it's disgraceful," said team captain Matt Williams. It is precisely this sort of sobriety that can bring the sport into disrepute." Meanwhile, team doctors are investigating the cause of an outbreak of 'Gary's Guts' that has laid low other tram members.

Paris or bust

The final day, and team Star Inn is on the road!

Friday, July 27, 2007

Star Inn Supper

Team - plus extras - is out for dinner at a somewhat dodgy restaurant, but at least the wine's good. Watch this space for reports of food poisoning and hangovers :)

Quote of the day

Gary: "If you come to France, you should have a Rod in your pocket, it's really useful"

Day 3 - 265 miles on the clock

We've arrived in Vernon and have been scattered across hotels on various industrial estates. Rod's gone into town to buy new wheels, and I've decided that sharing a triple room with Matt & Simon doesn't appeal for some reason, so I've got myself my own room. We're going out (again) because the cold buffet that is the sole offering on the hotel menu isn't going to cut it. Tomorrow to Paris!

Rod's knackered his bike - again

And this time the wheel's stuffed, so he's going to have to get on the backup bike.

New land speed record

We're 15km from the end of the day at Vernon, and we've just set a new prsonal best - 41.5mph. Knockout. Of course that means it'll all be uphill from here...

Lunch

Contrary to popular belief, we are doing some cycling between meals. Now in Le Neubourg and we've decided to abandon the official AMR lunch in favour of something more civilised (accompnied by beer). 36 miles down, same again to go.

Pit Stop

Gary gets his stump out for the ladies

This is more like it

20 miles down already, the sun's out and all is well with the world. After a gruelling climb out of Lisieux we've had a great ride on flat country lanes. Matt & Simon are probably in Paris already

Day Number ... Er ... Definitely Day

La ciel est bleu, la solle brille ect ect. Fortunately we have aching heads to distract us from our aching legs. Team Star Inn (now with FREE extra Gary for this week only) had a very jolly evening indeed. Clever money is betting that Mr Williams may see a lapse in his prize-winning form today...

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Quote of the day

Gary: "Some bloke in a passing car called me a twat as he went past"
Phil: "No you berk, he was shouting 'a droite' - you were on the wrong side of the road!"

Gary says...

...honest Liz, we've been cycling, there's more to this than beer!

The Longest Day

Phil nearly got taken out by a transporter, but we all made it! Got to my room on the second floor, when I heard Matt's dulcet tones - from the bar on the other side of the road. Noisy sod's been in there doing more professional research for the past few hours...

Nearly there

15 miles to go, so time for a break. How can Rod drink beer at this point in the day?

In bits

We've reached the afternoon water stop - 65 miles down, 30 to go. Apparently Matt and Simon came through 2 hours ago, complaining that there was someone going faster than them. The rest of today is going to be hard work...

Top of the world, Ma!

Lunch, with 45 miles under our belts, so Phil and I stopped for a photo opportunity at the top of an enormous suspension bridge. Sadly, it's just started raining :(

Puncture time

Phil's got the first puncture of the trip. Rod and I would go back to help but he's at the bottom of the hill and we're at the top. So nuch for team spirit ;)

Day Two

We spent 11 hours - 11 HOURS! Sitting around yesterday before we got to bed at midnight. Slept like a big dog (grunting, scratching, farting) in a room with Matt and Richard, who then left me snoring through breakfast and in a rush at the end.

Horrible 3 miles out of Dieppe up hills, and we've now paused for coffee and upgraded Phil's bike.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Ferry boarding

Oh dear. We could be here a while.

A word from our sponsor

"He's happy because he drinks Fullers London Pride"

Race leaders

Hang on, this isn't a race, but we've tracked down the race leaders. And they even had time to catch a shoplifter in Halfords on the way. They must have made their mark, there were workmen on the other side of town who directed us to Matt & Simon even before we asked.

Quote of the day

Matt: 'Did you see those llamas on the way down?'
Phil: 'Yes'
Matt: 'Thank God for that, I was getting worried.'

Day One - Finished

We're in Newhaven - cheers!

The incredible restorative powers of tea

Lunch! 40 miles done, and Rod's already caught us up again.

Team Star Inn has the yellow jersey!

Matt and Simon arrived in Newhaven at midday. The rest of us are still at lunch...

Emergency

Rod can handle the fact that he's just buckled his back wheel in a pothole. But his fag lighters just packed up, and thats a real emergency.

Diversion

Phil & Rod have just arrived, apprently they accidentally got stuck on the A3. Snigger :)

Outwood

24 miles into the first full day, and it's pit stop time. Rest of the team naffed off like their hair was on fire, but I reckon I can catch them by lunchtime (in my dreams). Off to eat bananas and drink water now.

We're ready!

Right, we're bored now - when does it start?

Well, nearly ready

Rod's getting his drugs fix

Training Dinner

A critical prt of any serious cyclist's regime is to load up with carbs and avoid alcohol. Shame nobody told us that until after dinner at Carluccios. Matt insisted on turning this into a busman's holiday by dragging us in for 'field research' at the Fox & Hounds and the Black Lion on the way home. We're concerned that his (purely professional) interest in pubs may become a bit of a theme over the next few days. And so to bed at 11.

The team arrives

Matt, Simon & the rest of the crowd arrived at 6:30 after an eventful trip, having got lost more than once. Matt's cheery hand gestures to a passing trucker nearly got them into an entertaining moment hem-hem 'nuff said.

Simon claims to have had 69mph out of his speedo, which is probably true, but nobody's buying Matt's claim of 74mph which is just silly.

Wednesday. 5:00am.

Enough said. Whose bright idea was this anyway?

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The lap of luxury

Wow - these student rooms are even smaller than the one I had at university. There isnt room to swing a mouse in here, let alone a cat...

______________________________________________________________________
This email has been scanned by the MessageLabs Email Security System.
For more information please visit http://www.messagelabs.com/email

______________________________________________________________________

Day One - Made It!

Well, I've arrived at Kingston University (formerly Kingston College of Knowledge) and met up with the AMR team. Had a lovely ride here from East Horsley, la sol brille, les oiuseaux chants ect ect chiz. 49.8 miles including one wrong turn (hooray for GPS).

Now, where's the pub?

______________________________________________________________________
This email has been scanned by the MessageLabs Email Security System.
For more information please visit http://www.messagelabs.com/email

______________________________________________________________________

Many thanks to BAT

Frank and Chevaun at BAT have been kind enough to provide a shower and breakfast for me - even if I have to scare their trainees by delivering my course in lycras!

First pictures are up!

Matt spotted me on my way out this morning - http://www.star-inn.com/lpupdate.htm

Hit the road!

I've kicked off my London to Paris bike ride - 39 miles from home to East Horsley this morning (left at 5:45am) in order to deliver a privacy training course for a client, then on to Kingston this evening.

Friday, July 20, 2007

It's raining, it's pouring...

...must be time for another EPG workshop. The last 'public' workshop, held earlier this year, lost a number of attendees because of heavy rain, lightning strikes and high winds. This afternoon's looks like it's going to suffer the same thing. I'm considering starting a new service - I'll host an EPG workshop in any area suffering a hosepipe ban or serious drought. Payment will be by the litre of torrential downpour.

Technorati Tags:

When technology overtakes commercial concepts

Back in the mid-80s, Apple released a concept for an interactive phone that could be used for messaging, payments etc. Of course, in those days prior to online payment schemes, the Apple team focussed on doing a really cute design for the unit, and somewhat overlooked the possibility that cheques (that's checks for those of you who haven't lost a war against France in the last millennium) might themselves be a somewhat redundant concept.

I wonder how many iPhone users even have chequebooks?

Technorati Tags:

Working for the Danes

Respect is due to the Danish forces in Iraq. As part of their scheduled departure, they've granted asylum to the locals who were assisting the servicemen there. Of course, such a move would not be scaleable to the US effort: from what I understand of the sums of money pouring in, if the US were to adopt the same policy, then it would be a case of 'last person out, please turn off the lights'...

BBC NEWS | World | Europe | Danish army evacuates 200 Iraqis

Technorati Tags:

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Banged up on a stolen passport

This has to be one of the more extreme consequences of Identity Misuse (I'll repeat that for the hard of thinking - nobody had their identity stolen here, just a passport document. That's not an identity, it's a token).

BBC NEWS | Magazine | 'ID theft left me in Slovenian prison':

Technorati Tags:

Sunday, July 15, 2007

An Acceptable Use Policy for the Internet

We’ve all been wasting our time. I never realised that the Internet ALREADY HAS an acceptable usage policy!

http://www.netauthority.org/

I feel so much safer now. And so does my dog.

Technorati Tags:

Monday, April 23, 2007

Through the £1000 mark

I'm blown away - sponsorship for the London to Paris bike ride has gone through the £1,000 mark (including our donation to cover costs). I finally managed to get back in the saddle yesterday after a fortnight limping around on a torn calf muscle, and had fabulous 17 mile ride down to Alresford. I spotted a stoat and both English and French partridge, which bodes well for the next season ;)

Technorati Tags:

Friday, April 20, 2007

Of Badgers & Buzzards

I'm (theoretically) taking a week off at the moment, ie only doing several hours of work a day, grumble. However, yesterday evening I sat in a hedgerow from around 8pm, and was soon joined by a buzzard. He flew off when a badger trundled by within a few feet of me, and a moment later I had the rare treat of the whole family coming out to play. That's the sort of sight that puts everything back into perspective.

Technorati Tags:

Friday, April 13, 2007

This is why I stopped living in cities

A fascinating and somewhat depressing article on how people are able to ignore one of the world's great classical musicians when he plays in a tube station. We've become completely immune to what goes on around us and are perfectly capable of ignoring beauty.

I woke up at 6am to the sound of the spring birdsong. Fantastic.

Technorati Tags:

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

London to Paris

I've taken the plunge and put my name down for the London to Paris bike ride in July. Those of you who know me will understand why I intend to get my shorts sponsored by 'CAUTION - WIDE LOAD'. Time to blow the cobwebs off my bicycle...

Technorati Tags:

Monday, April 09, 2007

The loyalty card police are on their way

The Telegraph is carrying a report on the new Europol powers to gather data from any source they need.

Technorati Tags:

WMDs? What WMDs?

The register is carrying a fascinating piece about weapons of mass destruction, but they're not in Iraq as you might expect...

Technorati Tags:

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Now that's what I call a shopping list

The Identity & Passport Service has published a Prior Information Notice (PIN) for the ID Cards procurement process, which seems to include everything except the kitchen sink. More details here.

Technorati Tags:

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Misappropriation and misuse of identity

Kim has posted up a disturbing but insightful tale of just how bad 'identity theft' - a concept I still believe does not exist - can be. It is far more accurately described here as 'identity rape'. Not a pleasant term, but a far more accurate description of the misappropriation of identity data from the victim's perspective.

Technorati Tags:

Why Keith Richards is my hero

You have to respect a man who views brain surgery in the way that Keith Richards does. As the late great Bill Hicks once said - 'when the bomb goes off, all that will be left is cockroaches and Keith'.

Technorati Tags:

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Highwest is back!

It's odd. I try ignoring the blog for a few months, and suddenly it starts gaining a lot of interest. Maybe the secret to an award-winning blog is not to blog anything. Anyway, I'm back, and hopefully if the postings are sufficiently regular, I'll have no readers at all very soon!

Technorati Tags: